Dear right person, wrong time,
Just as we say hello, we need to say goodbye. That’s so messed up!

I have so much that I wanted to say to you, to share with you. I have a million things that I’ve been dying to tell you. Goodbye is not one of them.

I’ve been waiting such a long time for you.

Actually, waiting isn’t the right word. Waiting suggests passivity and I certainly haven’t been sitting on my behind waiting (for anything). I’ve been working—on lots of things, including figuring out who I am and subsequently who you are.

In doing so, I’ve experienced a lot of who you are not. And that is how I know you, now, when I see you.

I wouldn’t have recognized you five or 10 or 15 years ago. And isn’t that ironic because if we met then, it might have been the right time. For you, that is. But not for me, because as I said, I wouldn’t have recognized you, understood you, accepted you, loved you.

Not as I do now.

As for you, although you may recognize me as a person who might be right for you, I am not, not now. You’re attached to something—a person, an experience, an idea of who you may or may not be, all of these, it doesn’t matter—you need to figure out who you are, with and without that something, before you can fully know who you are at all.

And you need to know who you are before you can be with the right person. How would you even know that they are right for you without knowing who you is?

It’s so darn tempting, though. For us both. To take the shortcut. To acquiesce to the loopholes that seem so clearly laid out for us. We can let ourselves think things like, “Technically, it can be the right time…”

And it feels benign, instinctive, right to just float effortlessly through those loopholes together. We can fit (almost) perfectly through them. All it would take is to let go. Let it happen. Relax and let the water carry us over—instead of my stubbornness grasping on to every tiny brittle twig.

It would be natural, like breathing. And I want it desperately like I want to release a breath that I’ve been holding for too long.

But as I said, while I’ve been waiting, I’ve been working. Working on discovering who I am, who I want to be. And who do I want to be? Not an a nuisance for starters. Not to anyone, including myself. And not being crazy means doing the right thing.

I’ve plunged through loopholes before—more than I care to count. And here is what I learned: the right thing is always a doorway unto itself. It’s not necessarily, or typically, easy to walk through, but it always has its own direct path.

It is never a loophole.

What feels right is not always right.

The task at times is to allow the feeling to be, but to do precisely the opposite. To swim against the tide, to resist the pull towards something or someone that, for one reason or another, is not right for you.

The right person at the wrong time is wrong for you is a kick against the prick disguise, reminding us to keep working, to keep moving forward in the right direction. And sometimes we have to move our feet first and wait for the heart to follow. It will follow. I promise.

Love always, (no, not always)—just for now. For now it burns hot like an inferno but a fire unfed eventually fizzles out. There will always be a sprakle hidden in the center of the rubbish. A love that is sent through divine can’t be broken.

~ Wrong (for you, for me)
If it’s meant be it will in the Creator time it will be.

                                                  2008