A PRAYING LIFE STILL MATTERS

Prayer is a solemn request for help or expression of thanks addressed to God or an object of worship:

Is your prayer life a struggle? Does praying seem like an exercise in eloquent speech that you just don’t possess? Find biblical answers to many of your questions about prayer.

Do you ever feel like you have to pray just right, or it won’t work? Have you felt like your prayer wasn’t answered because you didn’t have enough faith or pray long enough? I’ve felt that way too. Maybe that’s because we make prayer too hard. So often, we make it all about us finding the perfect words and approach. We think we have to pray just right for God to hear and respond.

Yet Jesus reassured his disciples with these words: “When you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him” (Matthew 6:7-8). 

Prayer is not a mysterious practice reserved only for clergy and the religiously devout. Prayer is simply communicating with God— listening and talking to him. Believers can pray from the heart, freely, spontaneously, and in their own words. If prayer is a difficult area for you, learn these basics principles of prayer and apply them in your life.

The Bible has a lot to say about prayer. The first mention of prayer is in Genesis 4:26: “And as for Seth, to him also a son was born; and he named him Enosh. Then men began to call on the name of the LORD.”

(NKJV)

I will bring that group through the fire and make them pure, just as gold and silver are refined and purified by fire. They will call on my name, and I will answer them. I will say, ‘These are my people,’ and they will say, ‘The LORD is our God.’ ” (Zechariah 13:9, NLT)

But if you stay joined to me and my words remain in you, you may ask any request you like, and it will be granted! (John 15:7, NLT)

The Lord instructed us to pray. One of the simplest reasons to spend time in prayer is because the Lord taught us to pray. Obedience to God is a natural by-product of discipleship.

“Keep alert and pray. Otherwise temptation will overpower you. For though the spirit is willing enough, the body is weak!” (Matthew 26:41,

NLT)

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. (Luke 18:1, NIV)

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

(Ephesians 6:18, NIV)

(YOU CAN’T STAY INSIDE HIDING FROM THE PRESSURES OF

LIFE)

Prayer Isn’t a Formula You Have to Get Right

God’s hearing our prayers doesn’t depend on our praying long enough or hitting the right phrases. Prayer is an invitation to come before our Heavenly Father,[SD1]  who knows our needs and longs to hear our voices. God hears and responds to us because He is faithful and has compassion for His children. 

My prayer life grows deeper when I take a few focused minutes to pray each morning like Jesus did (Mark 1:35). This gets me in the right frame of mind to keep praying later in the day. I’m learning that prayer can be simple and natural as breathing.

Prayer isn’t a ritual that depends on closing our eyes and putting on holy faces. We don’t have to kneel or sit. We can pray while walking, driving, or working. God responds to a two–[SD2] word cry for help in the middle of a busy afternoon, just like He does to a focused prayer time after reading Scripture in the morning. Praying doesn’t have to be complicated. God delights in any simple words we offer Him.

As believers in Christ, we have with a fantastic privilege; our Heavenly Father invites us to talk to Him! In Jeremiah 29:12, He asks is children to speak and promises to listen: “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.” We can read God’s Word and talk to Him in the morning to align our hearts with His at the start of the day, and we can also speak to Him as we go about our daily routines.

We may think we have to pray with fancy words, but prayer is just talking to God. Throughout the day, God longs to hear our simple prayers:

• Thank you for this breakfast, Lord.
• Help me stay calm in this traffic jam.
• Lord, help me love this person right now.
• God, will you show me what to do?
• Lord, I love you. Be with me.
• Goodnight, Lord.

Earlier this year, I read a devotional series based on the Lord’s Prayer, and I realized I’d let praise slip away from my prayer life. Yet when Jesus taught His disciples to pray, He taught them to start with praise:

“Our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy” (Matthew 6:9).

 [SD3] I tried an experiment; I began my morning prayer time praising God for His power, greatness, majesty, and love. I saw several positive results. The first one was that I knew my praise honored God and put me in the[SD4]  right relationship to Him. The second was that praise built my faith. When I remembered God’s outstanding attributes and power over all creation, my confidence in Him grew.

We think of prayer as talking, but any relationship involves listening and  [SD5] talking; we can even be quiet in the presence of someone we love. Psalm 46:10 tells us, “Be still, and know that I am God,” and sometimes our souls just need to get still in God’s presence to remember His glory, power, and love. When we quiet our hearts before Him, we put ourselves in a posture to receive what we need from Him.

When we sit quietly in God’s presence, we’re better able to listen. What if we echo the words of 1 Samuel 3:9, “Speak, LORD, your servant is listening?” Of course, listening to God is subjective, and we can never be 100 percent sure it’s His voice we’re hearing, but when I ask God to speak to me, I’m often surprised by that still, small voice I recognize:[SD6]  a thought that comes to mind, a Scripture I read, or a word of wisdom a friend gives me.

The word “repentance” was[SD7]  used to make me cringe because honestly, I didn’t want to remember my sin. But I’m learning that calling my sin to mind, confessing it to God, and asking Him to change me, ushers, [SD8] in spiritual renewal. Acts 3:19 holds a promise for us: “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.” When we acknowledge our sins, God moves in to restore and renew us.

Lately, [SD9] in my morning quiet time, I pray along with the words of Psalm 139:23, 24.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way” (NASB).

I often jot down a simple list of sins that come to mind and ask God to change my heart. 

• When I confess,[SD10]  worry, God’s Spirit brings peace.
• Where I repent from irritability, God renews my patience.
• When I confess anxiety due to an overwhelmed schedule, God points out my next steps.
• Although prayer is so much more than asking God to help and provide for us, our Heavenly Father does indeed care deeply about our needs and longs to supply them. Philippians 4:6 entreats us, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done” (NLT).
• When we come to God in faith, asking Him to supply our physical and spiritual needs, we can trust He hears us and will provide. Try a 30–[SD11] day experiment; keep a list of needs you pray for and look back over it from time to time. Add notes in the margins as you see God’s answers. Your faith will grow as you remember His faithful provision.

As Christians, we have the extraordinary  privilege of participating in God’s work by praying for other people. Although we often neglect it, our most potent and effective ministry as Christians is prayer. We can impact our children, friends, family, and loved ones as we pray for them.

I have a tendency to worry about the people I love, and when I don’t worry, I try to control situations and make them better through my efforts. Yet all my worry won’t change a thing, and my tired efforts will always fall short. When I turn those worries into prayers, I’m calling on an all-powerful, always-loving God to intervene and to work His will in situations and people I’m powerless to change.

As we pray, let’s not forget to thank God for what He’s already done in our lives. When was the last time you thanked God for sending Jesus to die for you? Have you thanked Him recently for the gift of His Holy Spirit? When we thank God for the many spiritual blessings we receive, it honors Him and opens our eyes to the abundant life He’s giving us.

Thank him for everyday blessings like your dog’s faithful friendship or your child’s smile. Thank him for answering your prayers. What if we make it a point to thank God for what He’s already done before we ask Him for something new? If you’re having trouble seeing things to give thanks for today, ask God to open your eyes to abundance and gratitude.

Do you ever feel confused about what to do next? Ever find yourself in a situation that looks impossible? Prayer provides an opportunity to ask God to guide us.

Whether you face an important life decision, need God’s wisdom for a challenging situation at work, or just need to know how to respond in a difficult conversation, God’s Holy Spirit will show you your next step when you ask Him for guidance.

We can pray along with these reassuring words:

“In you, Lord my God, I put my trust… Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my

Savior, And my hope is in you all day long.” (Psalm 25:1,4-5)

When I feel exhausted  it’s usually because I’m running on my strength, but I’m learning to stop and ask God for help. My own reserves of power will only get me so far, and exhaustion serves as a warning signal that I’m running on empty. God promises to empower us by the same Holy Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead. 

Maybe God has called you to do something that looks way too big. Perhaps you’re facing a challenging situation that leaves you feeling weak. Perhaps you’ve been walking through a time of trial,[SD12]  and you’re wondering how you can take one more step. Ask the Lord to fill you with His power despite your weakness. Ask Him to give you the strength you need to take one more action, Call on Him to provide  you[SD13]  with the ability to live for Him today.

Finally, and most of all, prayer is an opportunity to turn our hearts toward God. We have the incredible privilege of coming before the Lord of the universe. “The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth” (Psalm 145:18). When we call on God and turn our hearts to Him, He sees and hears us; He is with us.

What If I Don’t Know How to Pray?

The Holy Spirit will help you in prayer when you don’t know how to pray:

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with

God’s will. (Romans 8:26-27, NIV)

A Humble Heart

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. (2 Chronicles

7:14, NIV) 

Wholeheartedness

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

(Jeremiah 29:13, NIV)

Faith

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. (Mark 11:24, NIV)

Righteousness

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

(James 5:16, NIV)

Obedience

And we will receive whatever we request because we obey him and do the things that please him. (1 John 3:22, NLT)

So whatever your need today, family & friend, look to God. Don’t wait for the perfect time to sit down and pray. Don’t wait until you have the ideal words. Let’s lift our voices to God in the morning quiet, on the way to work, and while we walk the dog, make dinner, or go shopping. All it takes is a few words. Let’s turn our hearts towards God in prayer today. He longs to hear us.

LEAVE WITH A PRAYER

You, your life, and your world can be affected far more than you ever dreamed possible by praying about them every day.

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Good morning 
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.
Lord, I thank You that You are the God of the impossible. You can do anything. I want to trust in Your ability and not my own. Teach me to see difficulties in my life from Your perspective. Help me to focus on You and Your power.

I thank you for waking me up this morning.  I thank you for being so good to me. Thank you for loving me beyond my faults and seeing my needs.  Thank you for my family and my friends.  Thank you for keeping me alive. For I know the best days are ahead. I know that you are not through with me yet.  
I pray that you would bring peace to my mind.  God, I join in agreement with your saints everywhere and give you praise and glory.   I pray that you would send your angels to keep watch over me day and night.
Help me walk closely with you and teach me how to abide in you. Empower me for the work you are calling me to do. Teach me to be gentle and humble in spirit. Lord, give me the grace I need to trust you with my worries and cares. I lay them at your feet. I don’t want to carry anything today except for your yoke, which helps me walk more closely with you.
Lord Jesus, you are my resting place. Help me find my rest in you.
In Your Name I pray, Amen.

                                 

As a divorced pastor, I was not aware of how much of an anomaly I was. The image of the preacher and his wife is still the dominant one (and I use the phrase “his wife” deliberately).  Even in the context of the most post-modern and progressive church, the image of the preacher and his/her family still remains strong. The clergy families may consist of two mommies or two daddies or a mommy and a daddy who have thought progressively about marriage. But that structure remains unchanged.

I remember talking to my pastor at the beginning of my first attempt at the ordination process. And he said I was going to struggle as a “single black female with children. ”And beyond the fact that it sounded a little petty to me and judgmental.   I did take his words very seriously and tried my best to hide the yearning and thought of preaching from my mind. I was still welcomed to continue as youth director and musician.  For me this was a personal issue with no real relevance to my vocational life as being a clergy. So I prayed and waited for the next pastor , the next and the next pastor.

“For some reason, I felt I had to say ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ to the ministry so I could feel free again. My siblings and friends talked almost casually about options and preferences as to careers, but with no evident sense of urgency. Not so with me. I did not then nor do I now know whether the burden of choice was a trait of personality, a kind of super-conscientiousness, whether the calling to ministry itself carried a weight, a burden, peculiar to the task itself. Rightly or wrongly, when I thought of possibly becoming a nurse, that would be a choice, 100 percent mine. When I considered becoming a minister, that was not totally my decision; I was responding to God’s will for me. Of course, I had been told that journalists, lawyers, teachers, merchants, farmers—all could understand their lives as a vocation, a calling, but what I am telling you is that I perceived, I felt, I experienced the idea of being a preacher as different, and that difference was sobering, even burdensome. That’s why advice about not being in a hurry, taking my time, was not helpful even if wise. If it was my decision, why could I not make it now; if it was God’s decision, why did not God tell me, or at least tell my father or my mother? I prayed for the ache to leave me.”

Finally my chance came as an older gentlemen became our Pastor after the appointments was read at the Annual Conference. I am a Methodist . This was a change of the moment the Pastor said, God  in my had a sense of humor. After this Pastor was there for a few months and the wheels began to turn for my good. All my patience and waiting on the right time finally came. I was admitted on trail and went through all the connections and finally , I was a licensed Pastor. Hallelujah!

Being single was hard especially with six children. Being single and a pastor was even harder with a job and school.  I haven’t preach a sermon on being single myself . I really didn’t think that it was important. I found out that the  church can be an isolating place for single people. Despite this, I love my job. I am grateful for the season of life I’m in, but that doesn’t mean I don’t wrestle with the challenges of being a single pastor.

People often ask me a lot of question about don’t I get lonely. This list get longer and longer and  if you’ve been in church leadership for a significant amount of time, you will hear some questions people have asked too. For single pastors, though, there are a unique set of situations that have to be navigated with grace and a firm tone. Like the request for a private prayer session, the hug that lingers way too long, or having a man tell you that God told him you were supposed to be his wife—even though God has not communicated that message to you. I learned pretty quickly how important boundaries are and the importance of referring specific cases to a male pastor. I learned quickly what the scripture that  warns us to guard our heart.

Another challenging issue for single pastors is work-life balance. In the church, work-life balance is often discussed within the context of marriage and family. I used to think that because I wasn’t married and had kids, work-life balance didn’t apply to me. No one explicitly says you need to have a healthy work-life balance so that you can have healthy friendships. The truth is that work-life balance applies to everyone. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t prioritize my friendships and self-care. I had to learn that it was okay to leave work at a normal hour to spend time with my family and friends, work out, or just do something for me.

Being a single pastor also makes have a dating life challenging. Dating within the church can be complicated, and everyone seems to know your business regardless of the size of your church. Even if you’re meeting people online or outside the church, I’ve found that one of the easiest way to shut down a conversation with a potential interest is to tell him what you do for a living. I never had that problem with person knocking down my door to take me out or even visit.

For some reason, church staffs tend to have a very high number of married people. Because of this, even simple staff gatherings and conversations can be a painful reminder of your singleness. It might be an invitation to attend a staff party with your spouse and you’re the only one who shows up alone because there wasn’t an opportunity to bring a date or friend.

Or it might be the constant reminder from coworkers to spend quality time with your family. One year, we were given staff Christmas gifts themed around spending time with your spouse and kids. It was a very thoughtful gift given with good intentions, but it was a painful reminder that I was once again alone for the holidays.

It can often seem as if the church places marriage above all other types of relationships. I believe marriage is a beautiful form of intimate relationship with another person, but to place it above all other relationships is problematic. There is beauty and joy to be found in relationships whether you’re single or married—and we miss out when we primarily focus on the marital relationships.

While there are a lot of challenges, there are also plenty of amazing experiences that come with this role. I am often entrusted with the stories of others who are in the same season of life as me. They’re usually struggling with similar things, wondering how to be content, and wondering if they’ll ever feel complete without a spouse. It’s a joy for me to offer messages of hope and new ways of approaching their singleness.

My hope has been born out of the pain of being single and wanting something different. I have watched friend after friend find “the one.” Each time I wonder if it will ever be my turn, and I question whether I can stay content in a season of life I never expected to last this long.

Through this journey, however, I’ve come to see that marriage isn’t the goal. God values inclusive community for all people—married, single, divorced, or widowed—and that’s what we’re working toward. God created us as relational beings made for this beautiful community.

There was a time when I focused solely on what was missing from my life: a spouse.  After a lot of prayer, therapy, and self-reflection, I realized that I was missing out on the beauty of all the different relationships that I already had in my life. I may not be a wife but I am a daughter, sister, aunt, friend, mentor, and pastor. I made a choice to invest deeply in these relationships and create a chosen family, a group of people that are committed to doing life with me for the long haul. Today, I have an amazing community made up of single people, married couples, and parents from different backgrounds, classes, and cultures. I cannot imagine doing life without them. We  navigate big decisions together, babysitter for each other’s kids, talked about the challenges of being single and married, vacations together, and cook meals together. They challenge me, support me, care for me, pray with me, and, most importantly, love me unconditionally. They are my family, and if I meet the man of my dreams tomorrow my family will continue to grow.

That is the beauty of the church. We are called to be a loving, supportive community for all people. Within the body of Christ, no one should feel like a second-class citizen because of their marital status. While I still wrestle with my singleness, I am committed to creating space in our community to discuss these issues. I’ve been given the gift of seeing how the church can unintentionally harm people in this season of life and how marriage can be the default perspective for many church leaders. Because God has allowed me to see this, I am able to share my perspective and help others see God and the value of community in new ways. God does not discriminate with his love, and he desires for us all to experience that love to the full, regardless of our marital status.

As single pastors, we get to wrestle with and model this truth. We have an opportunity to ask ourselves: How can we challenge our small-group members, both married and single, to expand their view of community? How are we helping single people invest in building well-rounded community that encourages them to grow and experience the love of God in tangible ways? How are we talking about relationships in holistic ways, rather than just from the perspective of marriage.

We should celebrate our singleness just as married pastors celebrate their marriages. We should tell the real stories of pain, joy, and celebration because, I promise you, there are others in your congregation who need to hear they’re not alone, they belong, and their story matters.

There is beauty in the stories and experiences of single people. We need to elevate those stories to combat the shame often associated with this season of life. The church needs the voices of single people in order to be at its best and experience God more fully. The New Testament is full of single people experiencing radical community, living full lives and changing the world. Why should our churches be any different?

It takes strength, vulnerability, and courage to share this part of our lives because there’s still some shame attached to being single. This is the reason I believe we need more leaders who are willing to show up, embrace their singleness, and share how the love of the Father and transformative community can remind us everyday that we are whole, valuable, and beautiful in the sight of God just as we are. So here I am from the call to the cloth and is striving on to perfection with the power and strength of God with me. I have learned on this journey I am not alone.

I never wanted to be a single mom. I never wanted to raise my five sons and one daughter alone. I didn’t think I could do it, physically, emotionally, or financially. As I reflect back on that time twenty plus years later I am grateful for that darkness for two reasons. Number one is  I know now that God never left me, and two It was this visit, this escape from my years of domestic violence trying to be the good submissive wife, perfect mother, and perfect Christian that I realized I was being controlled by my spouse.

How can I be a pastor who is a divorced single mom? I remember my dad telling me something along the lines of “Don’t forget what your identity in Christ is, not your married identity, not your mother identity, who You are in Christ”.  And I began to unravel all the trauma of the emotional and spiritual abuse.  I was so lost I remember just opening up the Bible and reading whatever it plopped open to (you know you’ve done this before).  It plopped open to Joshua… and I read the story of Rahab (Joshua chapter 2). Rahab the harlot who is in the lineage of Jesus. Rahab was used by God for her faithfulness to God’s people. In other words God used a harlot to help Gods people to safety while on their journey to the promised land. Yup. In my dark, possibly my darkest time, The Holy Spirit ( He knows what we need when we need it) led me to read the story of Rahab. It was then that I knew what I was supposed to do. If God used Rahab with her background and Rahab is in the lineage of Jesus. Then there was no doubt that God could use me even with the labels of divorced, single-mother. That brief moment of quiet time sparked hope deep inside my soul, and even though that Christmas I walked away with the most precious gifts that I could receive. My children and safety. We left just with the clothes on our back walking not looking back at the things that was behind us. It  wasn’t particularly happy or joyful but  I was also gifted with this little spark of hope and knew that somehow my messed up chaotic life would still be used for God’s glory.

I know there are people reading this who are on the verge of relationships falling apart, perhaps divorce, perhaps some sort of scandal, perhaps facing becoming a single parent and that this can feel overwhelming. I know that finding JOY in this season is way too hard. It’s okay to sit with darkness. God never leaves us no matter how dark it gets. I am not saying my thirty minutes of scripture reading about Rahab solved all my problems and all my darkness went away. Divorce, moving back in with my parent, being a single mother and + years of pastoral ministry has had all sorts of dark twisty roads. What I’m trying to say is that light may feel far far away and that’s ok. What I long for you to cling to is that many many years ago God knew all of the heartache and darkness of humanity on earth and sent God’s self to earth in the form of a little baby. To a mother and father whose lives were turned upside down and maybe at one point in time as parents they too had times of darkness. With all of whatever darkness or chaos is going on in your life right now, however far away joy may feel; what I want you to know is that God still wants you. God sees your heart, knows your pain, is there with you in your darkness and loves you, unconditionally.  And my prayer is that somehow the Holy Spirit will give you a tiny piece of hope that will rest deep inside your soul. I pray that little piece of hope, whatever it is, will grow and well up inside of you until you’re ready to lean into it and perhaps let it break through a bit of the darkness.

Today. My children are all married and grown with children. I have more than enough and I am enough. Be Blessed!