We often want everything to stay the same, but feelings fade and people change. There are people who we think will be in our lives forever that become distant memories of our past. Do not fret. Feelings fading, and people changing is a part of life, and if you are growing as a person, not everyone will grow with you. You don’t have to forget your past, instead learn from it and use this wisdom to choose the people who will surround you in the future.

2007

Dear right person, wrong time,
Just as we say hello, we need to say goodbye. That’s so messed up!

I have so much that I wanted to say to you, to share with you. I have a million things that I’ve been dying to tell you. Goodbye is not one of them.

I’ve been waiting such a long time for you.

Actually, waiting isn’t the right word. Waiting suggests passivity and I certainly haven’t been sitting on my behind waiting (for anything). I’ve been working—on lots of things, including figuring out who I am and subsequently who you are.

In doing so, I’ve experienced a lot of who you are not. And that is how I know you, now, when I see you.

I wouldn’t have recognized you five or 10 or 15 years ago. And isn’t that ironic because if we met then, it might have been the right time. For you, that is. But not for me, because as I said, I wouldn’t have recognized you, understood you, accepted you, loved you.

Not as I do now.

As for you, although you may recognize me as a person who might be right for you, I am not, not now. You’re attached to something—a person, an experience, an idea of who you may or may not be, all of these, it doesn’t matter—you need to figure out who you are, with and without that something, before you can fully know who you are at all.

And you need to know who you are before you can be with the right person. How would you even know that they are right for you without knowing who you is?

It’s so darn tempting, though. For us both. To take the shortcut. To acquiesce to the loopholes that seem so clearly laid out for us. We can let ourselves think things like, “Technically, it can be the right time…”

And it feels benign, instinctive, right to just float effortlessly through those loopholes together. We can fit (almost) perfectly through them. All it would take is to let go. Let it happen. Relax and let the water carry us over—instead of my stubbornness grasping on to every tiny brittle twig.

It would be natural, like breathing. And I want it desperately like I want to release a breath that I’ve been holding for too long.

But as I said, while I’ve been waiting, I’ve been working. Working on discovering who I am, who I want to be. And who do I want to be? Not an a nuisance for starters. Not to anyone, including myself. And not being crazy means doing the right thing.

I’ve plunged through loopholes before—more than I care to count. And here is what I learned: the right thing is always a doorway unto itself. It’s not necessarily, or typically, easy to walk through, but it always has its own direct path.

It is never a loophole.

What feels right is not always right.

The task at times is to allow the feeling to be, but to do precisely the opposite. To swim against the tide, to resist the pull towards something or someone that, for one reason or another, is not right for you.

The right person at the wrong time is wrong for you is a kick against the prick disguise, reminding us to keep working, to keep moving forward in the right direction. And sometimes we have to move our feet first and wait for the heart to follow. It will follow. I promise.

Love always, (no, not always)—just for now. For now it burns hot like an inferno but a fire unfed eventually fizzles out. There will always be a sprakle hidden in the center of the rubbish. A love that is sent through divine can’t be broken.

~ Wrong (for you, for me)
If it’s meant be it will in the Creator time it will be.

                                                  2008

You can’t let people scare you. You can’t go your whole life trying to please everyone else. You can’t go through life worried about what everyone else is going to think. Whether it’s your hair, clothes, what you have to say, how you feel, what you believe and what you have. You can’t let the judgment of others stop you from being you. Because if you do, you’re no longer you. You’re someone everyone else wants you to be.

Unknown

Judges 5:1-31 ERV

On the day that the Israelites defeated Sisera, Deborah and Barak son of Abinoam sang this song:   “The men of Israel prepared for battle.  They volunteered to go to war. Praise the Lord!   “Listen, kings. Pay attention, rulers. I will sing. I myself will sing to the Lord. I will make music to the Lord, to the God of the Israelites.   “Lord, in the past you came from Seir.  You marched from the land of Edom. You marched and the earth shook. The skies rained. The clouds dropped water.   The mountains shook before the Lord, the God of Mount Sinai, before the Lord, the God of Israel!   “In the days of Shamgar son of Anath,  and in the days of Jael, the main roads were empty. Caravans and travelers traveled on the back roads.   “There were no soldiers in Israel until you came, Deborah, until you came to be a mother to Israel.    “God chose new leaders to fight at the city gates.  No one could find a shield or a spear among the 40,000 soldiers of Israel.   “My heart is with the commanders of Israel. They volunteered to go to war. Praise the Lord!   “Pay attention you people riding on white donkeys, sitting on saddle blankets,  and walking along the road.   At the watering holes for the animals, we hear the music of cymbals. People sing about the victories of the Lord, the victories of his soldiers in Israel when the Lord’S people fought at the city gates and won!   “Wake up, wake up, Deborah! Wake up, wake up, sing the song! Get up, Barak! Go capture your enemies, son of Abinoam!   “Now, survivors, go to the leaders. People of the Lord, come with me and the soldiers.   “The men of Ephraim came from the hill country of Amalek.  Benjamin, those men followed you and your people. And there were commanders from the family of Makir.  Leaders from the tribe of Zebulun came with their bronze clubs.   The leaders of Issachar were with Deborah. The family of Issachar was true to Barak. Those men marched to the valley on foot. “Reuben, there are many brave soldiers in your army groups.   So why did you sit there against the walls of your sheep pens?  The brave soldiers of Reuben thought hard about war. But they stayed home listening to the music they played for their sheep.   The people of Gilead stayed in their camps on the other side of the Jordan River. As for you, people of Dan, why did you stay by your ships? The people of Asher remained by the sea, camped near their safe harbors.   “But the men of Zebulun and Naphtali risked their lives fighting on those hills.   The kings of Canaan came to fight, but they didn’t carry any treasures home. They fought at the city of Taanach, by the waters of Megiddo.   The stars fought them from heaven. From their paths across the sky, they fought against Sisera.   The Kishon River, that ancient river, swept Sisera’s men away. My soul, march on with strength!    The horses’ hooves hammered the ground. Sisera’s mighty horses ran and ran.   “The angel of the Lord said, ‘Curse the city of Meroz. Curse its people! They did not come to help the Lord fight.’ They did not help the Lord against his powerful enemies.   Jael was the wife of Heber the Kenite. She will be blessed above all women.   Sisera asked for water. Jael gave him milk. In a bowl fit for a ruler, she brought him cream.   Then Jael reached out and took a tent peg. Her right hand reached for a workman’s hammer. She put the peg against the side of Sisera’s head and hit it with the hammer.   He sank down between Jael’s feet. He fell, and there he lay. He sank down between her feet. He fell there. Where Sisera sank, he fell, and there he lay, dead!   “There is Sisera’s mother, looking out the window, looking through the curtains and crying. ‘Why is Sisera’s chariot so late? Why can’t I hear his wagons?’   “Her wisest servant girl answers her. Yes, the servant gives her an answer:   ‘I’m sure they won the war, and they are now taking things from the people they defeated. They are dividing those things among themselves. Each soldier is taking a girl or two. Maybe Sisera found a piece of dyed cloth. That’s it! Sisera found a piece of fancy cloth, or maybe two, to wear around his neck in victory.’   “May all your enemies die like this, Lord! But may all those who love you be as strong as the rising sun!” And there was peace in the land for 40 years

“Deborah wherever thou goeth, I go with thee.”, said Barak.

Joshua 1:9 ERV

Remember, I commanded you to be strong and brave. Don’t be afraid, because the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

God to Joshua before going into Canaan’s Land
“Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”  Joshua 1:7-9

Caleb to the cowardly Israelites
Then Caleb silenced the people before Moses and said, “We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it….the land we passed through and explored is exceedingly good. If the Lord is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us. Only do not rebel against the Lord. And do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will devour them. Their protection is gone, but the Lord is with us. Do not be afraid of them.” Numbers 13:30- 14:9

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego before going into the furnace
“King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver usc from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”Daniel 3:16-18

Esther to Mordechai before risking her life
“Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my attendants will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.” Esther 4:16

Gideon to his army of 300
“Watch me…Follow my lead. When I get to the edge of the camp, do exactly as I do. When I and all who are with me blow our trumpets, then from all around the camp blow yours and shout, ‘For the Lord and for Gideon.’ ”  Judges 7:17

Judges 4:1-9 ERV
After Ehud died, the people again did what the Lord said was wrong. So the Lord allowed King Jabin of Canaan to defeat the Israelites. Jabin ruled in a city named Hazor. A man named Sisera was the commander of King Jabin’s army. Sisera lived in a town called Harosheth Haggoyim. Sisera had 900 iron chariots, and he was very cruel to the Israelites for 20 years. So they cried to the Lord for help.   *There was a woman prophet named Deborah. She was the wife of a man named Lappidoth. She was judge of Israel at that time. One day Deborah was sitting under the Palm Tree of Deborah, and the Israelites came up to her to ask what to do about Sisera. ☆(The Palm Tree of Deborah is between the cities of Ramah and Bethel in the hill country of Ephraim.) Deborah sent a message to a man named Barak and asked him to come meet with her. Barak was the son of a man named Abinoam. Barak lived in the city of Kedesh, which is in the area of Naphtali. Deborah said to Barak, “The Lord, the God of Israel, commands you: ‘Go and gather 10,000 men from the tribes of Naphtali and Zebulun. Lead them to Mount Tabor. I will make Sisera, the commander of King Jabin’s army, come to you. I will make Sisera, his chariots, and his army come to the Kishon River. I will help you defeat Sisera there.’”   ☆Then Barak said to Deborah, “I will go and do this if you will go with me. But if you will not go with me, I will not go.”   “Of course I will go with you,” Deborah answered. “But because of your attitude, you will not be honored when Sisera is defeated. The Lord will allow a woman to defeat Sisera.” So Deborah went with Barak to the city of Kedesh.
Judges 4:1-9

Deborah to a cowardly leader
“The Lord, the God of Israel, commands you [Barak]: ‘Go, take with you ten thousand men of Naphtali and Zebulun and lead them up to Mount Tabor. I will lead Sisera, the commander of Jabin’s army, with his chariots and his troops to the Kishon River and give him into your hands….certainly I will go with you [Barak], but because of the course you are taking, the honor will not be yours, for the Lord will deliver Sisera into the hands of a woman. ….Go! This is the day the Lord has given Sisera into your hands. Has not the Lord gone ahead of you?”  Judges 4:6-14

David to Goliath
“You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LordAlmighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head. This very day I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds and the wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel.  All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.” 1 Samuel 17:45-47

Jonathan speaking to his Armor Bearer
“Come on, let’s go over to where the Philistines have their outpost…Let’s go across to the outpost of those pagans,” Jonathan said to his armor bearer. “Perhaps the LORD will help us, for nothing can hinder the LORD. He can win a battle whether he has many warriors or only a few!…We will cross over and let them see us.  If they say to us, ‘Stay where you are or we’ll kill you,’ then we will stop and not go up to them. But if they say, ‘Come on up and fight,’ then we will go up. That will be the LORD’s sign that he will help us defeat them.”  1 Samuel 14: 1-12

I know that there are more.  

The clock is ticking. So spend it wisely. Make the most of today. To realize the value of one year, ask a student who failed a grade. To realize the value of one month, ask a mother who’s expecting a baby. To realize the value of one hour, ask people who love each other waiting to meet. To realize the value of one minute, ask a person who missed their plane. To realize the value of one millisecond, ask the Olympic winner of the silver medal. Treasure each and every moment th

at you have; time waits for no one.

She’s the woman who believes that what comes around goes around. The one who hopes for a better day. The one who won’t give up on you. She’s the woman who’s unlike the rest. The one who spent her days smiling, and her nights crying. She’s the woman who would love to be loved. The one who looks so damn strong, but feels so weak. She’s the woman who picks herself up every time she falls.

When you have a good heart; You help too much, you trust too much, you give too much, you love too much and it seems like you’re the one who gets hurt the most.

~Unknown

Matthew 5

In Matthew 5,  Jesus describes hypocrisy as the sad state of a person who reduces himself /herself to being an actor on a stage, because he/she does not know God the Father. There are many people who live their life in a desperate search for human approval and applause. They discern their dignity and worth, not from God, (who is in effect a stranger to them), but from what other human beings think of them. They are willing to adapt themselves often in dramatic ways to win approval. They are willing to play many roles and wear many masks to give the audience what they want. They are like actors on a stage, who seek applause or perhaps laughter and approval.

Notice, Jesus said to his disciples: “Take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may see them;….The Lord goes on to say that they blow a trumpet so that others will see them giving alms, they pray ostentatiously (word search word I learned)so that others may see they are praying, and they alter their appearance so that others may see they are fasting.

The   goal of such a person is to be seen. They are on stage and seek to ingratiate(yes) themselves to the audience and win applause. Hence they engage in some action “in order that people may see them.” It is clear that this is ultimately very sad. A lonely actor on a stage performing whatever role is required in order to win approval from the current audience. Their inner core or deepest self is repressed and replaced by the demands of others. This is the true heart of and description of hypocrisy a I”ve read.

Many take this desperate need for approval from others to very self destructive extremes. Many young people, due to peer pressure, will engage in dangerous and unhealthy practices to win approval. Some will drop out of school, join gangs and commit crimes. Others will drink heavily or use drugs. Still others will tattoo and pierce their bodies, engage in sexual activity before marriage, and do many risky things.Some will stay in relationships thatvare not true but look as false evidence appearing real.  The need for approval is often the deep drive that underlies this desperate behavior. But like actors on a stage seeking applause they rush to fill these rolls and wait for the applause and acceptance.

Adults too will often compromise core principles in order to fit in and be liked, gain promotions or earn access. Christians will hide their faith, playing the role of a secular modern in order to win approval. Some will act deceitfully to please a boss, others will gossip or engage in any number of sinful behaviors to ingratiate themselves to a group.

Because the audience changes, and he/she must change with it. So to one group they will say “yes” and to another group they will say “no.” Since the goal of the hypocrite (actor) is to be seen and win approval, the answer must change if the group does. Hence they will morph, hide their  true thoughts or outright lie to gain the approval. Their is no longer  a core and their identity is outside of themselves of what ever the audience requires in order to grant their approval.

Why does this happen to a person? Here too Jesus is rather clear. This happens to a person who does not know God the Father. The great tragedy of many lives is that they do not know the Father. They may know ABOUT God, but they do not personally know God or his love for them. God is at best a benevolent stranger who runs the universe but he is in some remote heaven and the interaction that many have with him is vague and abstract. God exists but he is on the periphery of life. In effect he is a stranger.

Notice the remedy that Jesus assigns for each example of hypocrisy he cites:

Your heavenly Father, who sees in secret will repay you for giving alms….Your heavenly Father who sees in secret will repay you for praying…..Your heavenly Father who sees what is hidden will repay you for your fasting.

In other words the goal in life and the remedy for hypocrisy is that it is enough that Your heavenly Father sees what you do. Now of course, as long as God the Father remains a distant and aloof figure what he sees never WILL be enough for us. But to the degree that we begin to experience God the Father’s love for us, his providence and his good will toward us, then we become less concerned with what others think. We begin to come down off the stage and be less concerned for the approval of men and more focused on and then satisfied with the approval of God.

Notice too the intimacy that Jesus sets forth. He says of God, He is “Your heavenly Father.” He is not merely the “Deity.” He is not merely God in heaven. He is not even merely the Father. He is “YOUR heavenly Father.” He is the one who created you, sustains you, provides for and loves you.

To the degree that this becomes real for us, and is more than words on the page of a book, or  knowledge base only on what others have said, to the degree that this is a real experience for us, we start to climb off the stage. We are less the actor (the hypocrite) and more the authentic self God has created us to be. We begin to loose our obsession with what others think of us.We still groom ourselves etc., but we are not obsessed with the good opinion of others. It is enough that we know our heavenly Father and his love for us.

Hence,  at least as Jesus teaches it here. is a richer concept than we often think of today.

Jesus addresses a very powerful and personal solution of knowing “your heavenly Father” and experiencing his love for you. Thank you Lord Jesus!

If you’re laying in bed wrapped up in sheets of miserable thoughts, go to sleep.
If thumbing through old messages only causes your heart to ache and long for something unattainable, erase them.
If it hurts to keep everything you’re feeling bottled up inside, let it out.
If you’re clinging onto someone who doesn’t treat you like you’re worth the world, Let them go. Because sometimes we choose to believe that things are only indistinguishable shades of gray when in reality, Life is more black and white than it seems. If you’re unhappy, with the way, you are living your life, Change it.